I think about settling into a routine, going to work at noon, getting off at nine, monday through Friday, every week, every month... and my anxiety kicks in, hard core.
Say I accept the job, I show up early everyday with a smile, motivated and ready to work. They love me and want me around. They tell me what a great job I'm doing and I feel wonderful. Then one day I start to feel trapped and dread work, it's not fun anymore. I want something else. I'll start coming to work late or drinking on my lunch hour. I'll go home and stare at the wall, feeling out of breath and depressed. I'll yearn for something else. I'll disappoint everyone.
I think about these things, and they scare me. What if l never see anything through??
Jesus, I haven't even accepted the job and I'm already thinking about how it will end. I think I have commitment issues.
6 comments:
I think that recognizing this part of your behavior patterns is an important marker in mapping out how you will proceed.
Knowing this, you can try to program a work schedule (or life schedule) that helps to alleviate monotony and the development of ruts. Say you plan regular vacations for yourself, or take a few months off every year to do a tour teaching lessons in other cities. It would give you an opportunity to continue doing a job you love, but changing the environ in which you do it, and the people you do it with.
You could alternate part time jobs, and keep low hours working there. You can do that job and use it to incorporate into other projects.
I know one thing, getting paid well for doing what you love, regardless of that thing becoming a job, is still a great opportunity. I know that sometimes I've gotten to the point of despising DJ'ing, simply because I was getting paid well to play at douchebag bars like Republic, but it kept me DJ'ing, kept me finding new music, and when the time came for me to get to play a real gig, it made it all the more satisfying to take back the primal elements of participating in something that brought me such joy. If anything, it encouraged me to be more bold with how I performed, and the level of effort and risk I employed in the process.
I love that you're finding holes that might be slightly angi shaped in your new digs already, wiggle your way into a few things, just slather yourself with some lube before you go, so you can slip back out unscathed and try something different if need be.
You are an artist. You are a performer. You are unboundingly talented, and nobody can stop you when you put your mind to something. I know this. I've seen it. You don't need to fear constraint, so long as you remember that the only constraint we experience we place on ourselves.
-Sean
I say ....fuck what everyone thinks and shag it for all its worth! Then if someday it doesn't fill you with joy to stay , just try something else. there's plenty of peeps that started out on one career path and then totally switched gears and went on to something else! go for it and enjoy it while its joyfull!
Angi, you better take that dancing job!!! If you can think through the WORST possible scenario to its logical conclusion, then you owe it to yourself to think through the BEST possible scenario too. Now put on your big-girl panties and go for it!!!
I miss you oodles! :)
-Geo
working 9hr shifts would scare the crap out of me too. but at least you don't have to be there until noon...
I need more input!
When the excitement of it starts to wane you can rexamine why you are there and if there is something you can do to make it more fulfilling for you. Or, you can go out and get another job.
You are not locking yourself into one spot for the rest of your life you know. There are always options. =)
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