Willie invited me to compete with him at Texarama, my first ballroom dance competition. Now all I have to do is learn to dance. I said yes before I remembered it's the same weekend as Myschievia, and was crushed when I realized what I had agreed to. It's becoming apparent that this isn't the kind of job that will allow me to travel much, which makes me wonder if I can ever fully commit to it. Sure there are travel opportunities when you compete, but just thinking about missing out on burns makes my soul cry. I know I shouldn't let that decide my future, but it's a big part of who I am. I was talking with Cheryl (one of the instructors) about work and she told me, "what you put in twice, you'll only get once back, there is no half assing this, it engulfs your life." I want to be full assed, but I get so scared that I'll loose who I am. I don't want to be just a ballroom dancer, I don't want that to define me. On the other hand, I'll never get to see any of the rewards unless I dive in, so I'm hanging up my floatie for now. Sink or swim.
Krafty made me my own fire hoop. I have so much love for him right now. I left it over there though, damn it. I cannot wait to burn it, cannot fucking wait.
I'm mentally committing to Burning Man, it's becoming more and more important to me that I go. I've was listening to The Entheogenic Evolution pod cast, and really identified with what Martin W. Ball has to say about Burning Man. Not even necessarily the parts related to drugs, but the openness and giving of one's self, those parts spoke to me.
I want to go back and do it right, have a real journey and learn something about myself, not just party party party. I wouldn't say that I particularly had a good time last year, everything was available, but I didn't open myself up to receive it, and I regret that deeply. It's important to me that I reclaim that. That and Sean will be on the journey, and he is my soul brother, it makes perfect sense to share this experience with him. Mentally prepared, yes. Monetarily?? That's another issue. I'm going to be a busy worker bee and hope that I get there in time. No, I'm going to get there in time.
4 comments:
where are the breathing nipples?
Me and Sam were talking about piercings because she just got her nose done. I was grossed out by the thought of boogers on the piercing, and she said "But, you have your nipples pierced" and I said "yeah, but I don't breathe through my nipples".
I guess you had to have been there. Good laugh.
abso-fucking-lutely you should be considering jobs that allow you to burn. do NOT feel guilty about making that a priority. it's a huge part of who you are, what makes you happy, and it ain't gonna stop, it's only going to get worse/better.
fucking hell, woman. prioritize what makes you feel like a whole person. burn events are the only thing that's ever done that for me, for real. well that, and love.
hey angi...just remember that what you envision you can have. there are a lot of things that come along to distract one from a goal.keep the image you want in your mind and focus on the avenues that appear to lead to that direction.
i have enjoyed the memories of seeing you at bm'07. glad to know your nipples are doing well :)
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