burn it, bitch.

"Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion, you must first set yourself on fire"
-Fred Shero

I remember the first time Sam and I hung out. She called me out of the blue and asked me to come over to help her arrange her outfits in preparation for Burning Man, I happily obliged. We ended up by the pool until 5am practicing the basket weave with our poi, it was my first real introduction into skill toys. I didn't take to poi immediately, but that night definitely inspired me to become serious about hooping. Months later we happened upon a drum jam at Across the Street Bar, a place where fire performance is welcome and skills and knowledge of skill toys is shared and appreciated. We both bloomed at our different gifts as the weeks went on.

So, it's wonderful to me that we were both invited to be a part of an incredible fire performance group, Luminosity.

Here is my problem, today was only the fourth time I've lit a hoop on fire, and I'm supposed to perform for the first time with the group next week, in front of 2,500 people. Holy shit. I realized it doesn't matter how many times you've done a trick with a regular hoop, when it's on fire, it's a whole other world. It's hot, and it will burn you. I couldn't do half the things I was used to.

I finally have access to a fire hoop (thank you Krafty!), so I guess all I can do is light up as many times as I can, practice a bunch, and pray for my hair follicles. I have faith.

Shay also let us play with her fire fans today, and Krafty taught us some of the basics of the staff. I cannot wait to pick them up again.

Fire is one of my favorite things about being in Houston so far, hands down.

My arrival

I don't throw things away.

For years I've kept every letter, card, article of clothing, and gift I'll never use. I've allowed this (and my lack of organizational skills) to take over my living space and life to the point that not a single patch of carpet is visible, I became trapped in my own memories.

I've spent the week compacting my life down, throwing away things I thought I wouldn't ever need again, and packing up what I thought I would. During my frenzy my father said to me "you'll be surprised how much this stuff will mean to you later in life, you don't have to throw it all away."

I already miss my old diary, rave bracelets, and mobiles. I suppose one day I may want to read about my fifth grade crush on Woody Wilson or revisit the oomch oomch of Bad Boy Bill via plastic beads, but alas... it's in the trash in Garland Tx, and I am now a resident of Kingwood Tx (just outside Houston).

It's a bit of a catharsis I suppose.

I'm experiencing a mixture of emotions right now. Excitement about my new journey in life, and fear of the unknown. Gratitude is also a big one. I'm grateful towards Sam and Rob who are helping me get my life onto a different and more productive path, to those who helped me realize my downward spiral, and especially my parents for their unconditional love, understanding, and support.

Oh, and special thanks to Dad for fixing my power supply, boo on me for leaving it in Dallas.

Change doesn't come easy for me, but I'm going to breathe and take it day by day, goal by goal.

First goal... to find a job. Wee.

Off to read and hope for sleep, even though I know it probably won't come. I can't seem to turn my brain off these days, even worse than normal. Hopefully that ability will come with a more healthy life style.

Night night.